Trick Or Treat
by InsaneByBirth96
Summary: The Major tricks Hans into taking Schro trick-or-treating at Hellsing Manor. Then he gets his much-deserved treat from the vampire...Alucard/Hans


_**Trick or Treat**_

The Majors tricks Hans into taking Schro trick-or-treating at Hellsing Manor. Whilst there, he gets his much-deserved treat from the vampire…Hans/Alucard

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><p>Hans looked from his Major, who was grinning with quiet sadism, to the Doktor, who looked sorry for him, to Schrodinger, who was dressed as a pumpkin. 'Come again?' he finally asked, positive he'd heard his orders wrongly.<p>

'I vant you to take Schrodinger to Hellsing Manor for Halloween. I'm sure Fraulein Integra won't mind your presence.' Behind the fat mad-mad, Dok face-palmed, and gave Hans a sympathetic look. Schrodinger began bouncing slightly on his feet, making the stalk-shaped hat on his head wobble slightly.

'Let's go, Kapitan!' he yelled, and jumped on the poor werewolf. Before Hans could bat the hyperactive cat boy (if Rip had given him sugar again, Hans would have her head) away, he noted the change of scenery. Gone was the metal walls and tiles floor of Millennium's airship, and he was inside Hellsing Manor.

Hans was greeted by having his comrades head blown off and Sir Integra Hellsing yelling for Alucard and his fledgling. Both ran into the room almost immediately, weapons drawn. Alucard advanced, and Hans locked eyes with him, transferring his thoughts to why he was here.

The vampire paused, and cocked his head slightly. His pistols lowered - to the women's shock, then his eyes widened. 'You've got to be joking.' he finally whines, shoving both guns back into his holsters with the air of an angry child.

'What?' Integra asked through gritted teeth.

'That fat little freak of a Major has ordered the mutt to bring the firry pest here to trick-or-treat. And since it's an order, he won't stop until it's fulfilled.'

'Well make them leave, you low-budget Lestate!' the Hellsing director yelled. Alucard looked hurt for a second, before shaking his head.

'History has proven I can't win in a one-on-one fight with the werewolf, and how exactly do you propose we keep the cat boy out, because I am very open to suggestions.'

His master lit a cigar and took a few furious breaths of the smoke. 'Seras, take the cat brat to the kitchen, surely you can find something for him. The sooner he gets what he wants, the sooner they can go. Alucard, stay with the werewolf. I'm going to find the biggest bottle of brandy I can, and if the cat breaks anything I'm going to smash it over your head.' With that, the supposed "young lady" left the room, the scent of smoke lingering.

Seras looked hopefully at her master, but he merely gestured to the now-alive again Schrodinger, and she miserably let the orange-clad kitten away. Both Alucard and Hans winced at the sound of something undoubtedly expensive and irreplaceable shattering and Seras's squealing.

'Vhy did Dok make him?' Hans muttered irritably, before taking off his greatcoat. The mansion was so much hotter than the airships, or even the Brazil base, that he couldn't wear his coat without sweating. He noticed that the vampire was running his crimson eyes over his torso, an odd expression on his face. There was a large ornate mirror on the wall, which Hans used to see what had the vampire's attention.

Underneath the coat, he was wearing a light grey tank-top, which showed off his godly muscles perfectly. Without the oversized collar, his tanned face was exposed, displaying perfectly chiselled features and maroon-red eyes. He took off his cap and laid it down on the nearby table, shaking his head slightly. His mane of snowy-white hair was released - not exactly as long as Alucard's raven locks, but it framed his face perfectly. He noted, with some confusion, that Alucard's mouth was hanging open slightly.

'Vhat is it?' Hans asked, wondering is Schrodinger had stuck a "kick me" sign on his back again. Alucard averted his eyes and said nothing. 'Vhat is it?' he repeated, wondering if the vampire wasn't too good with accents.

'Nothing. I'm hungry, so you have to come with me to get a blood pack.'

Hans raised a white eyebrow. 'Vhy do I haff to come vith you?' he asked.

'I can't refuse an order from Integra, same as you can't refuse an order from the Major. Just make my night a little easier and play nice.' Hans huffed, but followed the vampire out of the room.

On the way down to Alucard's dungeon (apparently he had to get his own since he kept scaring the maids who brought it), Hans's lips quirked as he finally put two-and-two together. Well, maybe he could get a quick treat out of this trick…

The room was empty save for a large fridge half-filled with medical packs of blood. Alucard snagged one and looked at it with distaste. 'I hate these things.' he muttered.

'Perhaps I can help you vith that?' Hans asked in a voice that was almost a purr and took the pack out of the vampire's hands. Alucard whirled round to pick a fight, but his words were cut off as he took in the delicious sight that greeted him.

Hans's tank-top lay discarded on the floor, and he made a small cut in the packet with his nail. He held the pack close to his neck and squeezed it very gently; crimson - deliciously cool after the heat - ran down his throat and his chest, before slowing at his abdomen. Alucard let out a sort of muffled whimper, to Hans's delight.

'Oh, dear.' he said, dropping the packet on the floor with a wet plop. 'I spilt some. Come over here und clean me up.'

Alucard didn't need anymore prompting, and knelt down before Hans, hesitating for just a split second, before placing his cold tongue on the werewolf's toned stomach and licking up. Hans shivered with pleasure as Alucard moved upwards onto the droplets that had gathered around his - now very hard - nipples.

The vampire's fangs caught them, and he let out a gasp of delight; so Dok's theory about them having aphrodisiac qualities was right after all. Slowly, very slowly, Alucard reached his throat. Bu now, both of their cocks were like pieces of wood, and begging for relief. 'Kiss me, vampire.' Alucard obliged, slowly at first but some their tongues were involved in a passionate battle for dominance.

Suddenly, Alucard's arms enveloped his broad chest, holding the werewolf to him. 'My turn to be in change.' he breathed, and phased the two of them to the dungeon with his coffin in it. Neither would emerge for the next five hours…

Back upstairs, Walter had been dragged out of bed by Seras, who had finally realised she was out of her depth with Schrodinger. The sleep-deprived butler had been forced to make cookies and muffins at cannon-point, before been allowed to return to bed.

Schrodinger had happily accepted the large tin of treats the exhausted butler handed him, then asked Seras to take him to Hans so he could leave. 'Let's go look for him.' Seras said immediately, wanting to be rid of the brat.

Remembering Integra's orders to her master, Seras tapped into his essence, knowing he would be with the werewolf. Locking onto it, she headed to his dungeon, Schrodinger in tow. The sight that greeted them made Seras's virgin embarrassment flare up, and the Nazi officer's surprising innocence cause him slightly confusion.

Hans was suspended from the walls with chains, dressed in black leather short-shorts and nothing else. Alucard was wearing his fedora and his white shirt, and holding a large leather whip. Neither of them looked happy at the interruption. 'What's going on here?' Seras half squeaked, half shrieked. Neither monsters batted an eye.

'I think it's fairly obvious that we are improving the relations between our two organisations.' Alucard said with a straight face. 'Now kindly let us get on with it.' Seras withdrew, dragging a curious Schrodinger out by the collar.

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><p><strong>Okay, I can't write lemons, at least not yet. So, how was this for a first try? Please R&amp;R<strong>


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